...all my troubles seemed so far away

A short list of reflections on the day:

I stepped outside my comfort zone
Conquered at least two fears
There was a lightness of heart and soul
Bonding with my lovely lady friend
I smiled bigger and with more genuine happiness than usual
Watched the sunset turn the water pink and they sky orange from far off shore
I realized that sometimes I need to leave my brain on the beach and take my soul out for an adventure
I felt strong, safe, adventurous, and beautiful in the light of the sunset

For some time now I have let thoughts of " I can't, I'm scared, I'm too this or that" creep into my head to the point where I have believed these lies I tell myself...LAME!  All it takes on one step to cross the line of fear and self consciousness to make major progress...in this case all it took was a step into the water, paddle board under one arm and paddle in the other.  With love and encouragement from the best friend, soul-sister and partner a woman could ask for, I crossed over into the land of "I did, I will, I can, I RULE!!!!!!!

It may not seem like a very big deal but for me it was...We took our rented paddle boards and headed out past the break for an afternoon paddle.  This was my first attempt to be out in the waves, (or bumps and swells as the case was yesterday) on a stand up paddle board.  We have rented them many times before but I had only taken them in the shallow still protected waters of the lagoon.  I always thought I couldn't do it out in the open water, that I wasn't fit enough, that I was too "big", that I was not strong enough to navigate the current, the waves, the deeper water...well guess what?  That was a big 'ol lie I was telling myself, one that I believed for far too long.  Fueled by self-doubt and self consciousness...I cast OUT these un-truths I've been fueling in my head and realized that not only CAN I, but I'm damn good out there too!  The biggest payoff is seeing my lady on her board next to me, smiling for me and cheering me on!  We rafted up, sat down on the boards and peacefully watched the sunset from out past the swell...SUCH an amazing feeling!

With sore shoulders and tight calves I blissfully await my next adventure out there...my change jar has officially been re-named "SUP savings" and I cannot wait to make this a regular activity!  Why do I do this mind game stuff with myself, it doesn't get me anywhere, it holds me back from doing things I want to try, it makes me feel not quite good enough, and that my friends is not a soul-lightening experience...Going forward I intend to change my patterns.  I CAN do whatever the heck I want, I am strong, beautiful, brave, adventurous, and above all...IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD!!! (which by the way is Jo's favorite thing to tell me when I get all self-doubty and sad)...She was right all along, and now I believe her!

Thanks for listening to my digital diary for today...this one just had to get out of my head and onto the screen.  Not for you or for anyone else, but for ME!!!


  1. Your day sounds challenging exciting! Isn't it fun to "win" from time to time?

    p. s. The surfing dog above makes me smile :)
    Your silver work is really coming along Sierra, congratulations!

  2. I love the "WIN"...it feels sooooo good! Thanks for the compliments Ro, it really means alot to me!